


I Won't Give Up (we'll find a way)

by illbealonedancing



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Dan Howell - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Phil Lester - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Domestic, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-07-29 07:29:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7675537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illbealonedancing/pseuds/illbealonedancing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell just finished school when he gets the best graduation gift of all; a way to video chat with his idol and internet friend, Phil Lester. Read how their relationship evolves and their story unfolds. Written from Dan's POV (but might switch between him and Phil in later chapters)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Graduation

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first multi-chapter phanfic and it is just about how I think/hoped it happened. In no way is this story real or am I saying Phan is. I wrote this story pure for my own entertainment and - hopefully - yours. 
> 
> Disclaimer; Dan's family are all OC's. I have no clue how Dan's relations with his family are and they are none of my business either. 
> 
> Hope you like this story. I will try to update every two weeks (emphasis on try, seeing as I'm about as good at regularly uploading as Dan is) and shout out to my wonderful and brilliant beta-reader, Violet (t-r-a-s-h-talk on tumblr).

“And now, to present The Forest School’s class of 2009!”  Dan stood up a little later than the other students of his year. If it hadn’t been for the blue cloud of velvet robes that suddenly blocked the sunlight, he wouldn’t have realized he had to stand up. Always slacking behind - a good representation of his years spent in High School. To be fair, it had only gotten slightly worse over the last few months.  

Yet, he followed everyone else with throwing his cap into the air, even though he saw no point to it and his facial expression was more annoyed than excited. Sure, he was overjoyed by the fact that he could leave this hellhole, but throw up a cap? The only thing accomplished by the tradition is that it looked good in movies and that in the end of the day, you could walk home with someone else’s hat and probably head lice. He made use of the time everyone – except Dan of course – was hugging each other to lean down and continue typing the text he had been sending before being interrupted. He had to use the shadow provided by the people around him and his own hand to be able to read anything on his phone screen, but eventually he pressed send and looked around to see if he had attracted any attention to himself. Of course he hadn’t; he might be that one annoying kid in class, but outside of that he could manage to blend into the shadows pretty well, as long as he could manage to keep his exceptionally large mouth shut. Over the last year that had been less of a problem, seeing as he had been too distracted by other things to pay attention to anything in real life, really, to great annoyance of his parents, most teachers and sometimes even the kids that used to make fun of him. I mean, it’s hard to bully someone, when they aren’t paying attention to what you are saying, but are instead looking at their phone the entire time.  

However, he still put up a smile and hugged a few of his ‘friends’, before they walked down the aisle as practised the day before. He was kind of glad they had practised it, because if not, Dan would have probably just walked off to find his family so they could go home to where there is an internet connection and have made total fool out of himself. Now he knew that they had to walk away all fancy-like and then wait for their parents in the parking lot.  

He heard a couple of guys shout at each other and slap each other on the back, obviously as surprised and happy as Dan was that they had managed to finish year 13, and a few girls hugging while chatting away excitedly. The real party would be tonight at the bonfire organized by the school – which basically meant everyone got free alcohol – but Dan didn’t think he would be going. First of all, the best thing about graduation was being away from these losers, but besides that, he already had other plans.   

He checked his phone again and smiled as he saw the notification indicating he got a new messages, but before he could read it, arms wrapped around him and a voice sounded in his ear; “Oh Danny, you graduated. We’re so proud of you!” 

“Mom.” Dan grumbled, not really angry or embarrassed but more annoyed that she had disturbed him. His mother let go of him and turned him around so she could have a proper look at her oldest son. Behind her, Dan could see his father following his mother along with his younger brother. He too wore a proud smile. 

“Daniel, don’t be so grumpy all the time. It’s your graduation day!” His mom looked at him with a chastising smirk, but Dan could read in her eyes that she didn’t really mean it.  

  

The ride home was short, seeing as they didn’t live far away from the school, and his parent’s were too busy chatting away happily to notice that their oldest son was paying them no attention whatsoever. Or so Dan thought, because he couldn’t see the knowing look his mother was giving his dad every time he looked in the rear-view mirror to see his son smiling fondly at his phone. As soon as he got home, Dan ran up the stairs towards his room with the sound of his dad’s voice calling after him not to stay up too long, as guests would be arriving for a small congratulation barbeque. He plopped down on his bed and grabbed his laptop that had been hastily discarded on the ground before he had to leave. Typing out a short text, he pressed send and threw the device aside, focusing on the bigger one instead. 

  

Dan   June 17th 14:31 

  

I’m on my laptop now, what’s that ‘present’ you have been bothering me about 

  

Phil   June 17th 14: 31 

 

You’ll see. 

  

Dan opened his Internet tab and clicked the twitter icon that he had bookmarked. His heart was racing in excitement and he couldn’t control the smile that was still perched on his lips. It didn’t take him much to notice that he had gotten a private message from Phil and his brow creased in curiosity to see what he had been so hyped about all afternoon.  He had been texting Dan about his surprise all morning, pestering with little quips like ‘you’ll see’ and ‘just graduate first’, but it was obvious that Phil was as excited about it as Dan was. As soon as he opened the message his eyes widened in shock. Sure, his heart made a small leap and his smile was still digging into his skin, but nerves started to leak through him, making him slightly sweaty. Send to him by Phil was his email address and a link to the website of Skype. Dan already had Skype downloaded on his laptop and was pretty sure Phil suspected that, but the message was clear.  

  He waited a second, thoughts racing through his head full of questions of what to do. Here he was, holding a key to video chat with a guy he had admired ever since he had first started watching his video’s about six months ago, and he had no idea how that had happened. It suddenly felt so surreal to him. Sure, they had been messaging for the past five months now, ever since Phil had first noticed him on Twitter – thank the Internet gods for that – but even that he could barely believe. Video chatting was different from just texting, for all he knows, the Phil he had been getting to know over the past few months wasn’t even Phil. It’s easy to hide behind a phone screen. But even though, of course he knew it was Phil, what about the other way around? He had been typing, checking and re-typing every text carefully, reading everything through five times to be sure he didn’t sound stupid or creepy or like a stalker or something, but now he’d actually get to see him. No more hiding. No more nothing. He was going to talk to him in person – or at least as close as that was possible with the amount of distance that was between them.  

  

He realized a few minutes had passed while the shitstorm was happening inside his head, but he took a few steadying breaths as he saw Phil had already send a couple of worried messages _Dan? … Dan?._  

He scrambled together all the courage he could muster and typed the mail address into his Skype window, taking one more calming breath before hitting the _call_ button. As soon as he pressed it, he freaked out. _Why did he do that? He should have found an excuse about not being able to Skype right now? His hair. His hair is probably a complete mess. What if something embarrassing is lying on the floor behind him?_ But before he had been able to turn around and check, Phil’s face appeared onto his screen and Dan’s eyes widened in shock.  

“Hi!” Greeted Phil immediately, voice laced with excitement. Dan didn’t know how he did it; how he could just be so bloody calm all the time and look like an adorable dork while doing so. Phil is just nice as heck and that works out for him perfectly, but Dan can’t help but look like a complete disaster in ever situation that involves human contact.  

“H-Hey, Phil.” Dan managed to bring out, even though he was shaking with nerves.  

“Surprise!” Phil brought out even though it’s totally pointless by now and Dan couldn’t help but chuckle at that.  

“Phil, you spork.” Dan’s cheeks turned slightly red. _Great, they haven’t even been talking for two minutes and he’s already insulted his idol. Just bloody brilliant_. But Phil didn’t seem faced by it at all. 

“I’ll take that as a thank you then?” he smiled into the camera, not able to hide how bloody proud of himself he was. He was sitting on the floor of his room and as far as Dan could figure, his laptop was rested on his bed, making it so that Dan could see the other side of Phil’s room for once. It was strange video chatting; it was kind of the same as watching a video of Phil, yet oh so different. The camera was almost the same quality and so was the décor and even Phil himself. Dan noticed his black fringe that was perfect as always and the blue of his eyes, which seemed to sparkle more than usual. What was the difference? This time Phil wasn’t talking to thousands of people, but just at Dan. Instead of having a certain topic to talk about, they were chatting and talking and laughing and just making fun in general.   

  

They had been talking for a while when Charlie knocked on Dan’s door and stuck his head into the room. His eleven years old brother told him to come downstairs for the BBQ and that was when Dan realized they had been talking for about an hour and a half. The guests would have arrived half an hour ago. He turned back towards his laptop as Charlie headed back downstairs, staring at the older boy in wonder through the camera. In just a little longer than an hour, they had grown so acquainted to each other and it kind of scared Dan just how much they seemed to know each other already.  

“I need to go now, Phil, there are guests over.” Dan watched Phil nod his head understandingly and a sad smile tugged at his lips. “We can talk again later though and I’ll keep texting obviously.” 

“Don’t you have anything with your classmates to do?” Asked Phil, but not with an accusing expression, just with general interests, because that is how Phil is; kind, optimistic, happy. “I remember when I graduated and we had this huge party at the lake near our school.” 

Dan shrugged, as he made sure his fringe was still in check. “Nah, I’m not going. It’s not really my thing.” _Plus, it means we can video chat again_. It had even turned out better than he could have hoped; instead of just texting each other all night, they could continue talking about stupid subjects in person.  

“Oh come one, Danny, you _have_ to go! It’s your graduation.” Dan felt himself smile as Phil called him Danny. His northern accent made it even more adorable.  

“Don’t call me Danny!” Said Dan anyway, both because he was stubborn and didn’t want Phil to know how much he liked it and as an excuse to stray away from the matter at hand.  

“I won’t video chat with you if you don’t go!” Phil tried his best to look intimidating and determined, but ended up just scrunching his face in a funny way; it was impossible for him to hide his perfect smile. Dan tried to stay serious, he really did, but he just couldn’t. His smile broke through and he started laughing. 

“Fine, you spoon, but you better still text me while I’m there.” 

“Deal.” Phil’s  ‘determined’ expression faded away like stars before the sun, immediately turning into the exited smile from before. “We can chat again tomorrow if you are free then.” 

Dan agreed before they said goodbye and the connection was cut off, leaving him alone in his room once more. Excitement and adrenaline were still rushing through his system, because he had just talked with his idol for an hour and a half. He felt a little like a fangirl gushing over their favourite movie star, because that was kind of what Phil was to him, but so much more. Over the last couple of months they had become friends – no, _best_ friends – which was crazy since they had never met in real life or had never actually _seen_ each other before today. He took a few minutes to calm down, before he went downstairs to greet his family, with a smile still perched on his lips. 


	2. But you had to go

 

“No, Phil, I will only look ridiculous.” Dan sat up from lying on his stomach so he could sit against the headboard of his bed. Well, it wasn’t technically his bed, seeing as he was staying at a hotel, but you get the point. Corsica was all right, though he couldn’t really say as he had spend most of his family holiday looking at his phone screen or locked into his hotel room so he could Skype Phil. He had been forced to spend a day away from his phone a few times during the summer, mostly when his parents pulled him out of the house to go shopping with them or spend the afternoon doing a ‘family activity’, but that had been utter torture. Yes, it was all right he guessed, but he had always missed Phil and couldn’t get his mind off of him. It was stupid, surely, because they had Skyped almost every day since that first Skype session on Dan’s graduation and most of the time they ended up talking for five hours, but he was constantly guessing what Phil’s reaction would be to the sights his parents took him to. Their car could barely pass a cardboard ad about cereal without being reminded of his older friend from the North.

“Oh come on, you’ll do great!” Phil, excited as usual, was on holiday as well. He was in Florida with his family, which for some reason made Dan miss him, seeing as there now were even more miles between them.

“Phil, we’ve been over this. No one would want to see me do stuff on camera.” Right as he answered, there was a knock on the door of the room he shared with Charlie. Seeing as his younger brother had run off towards the room of their parents halfway through his talk with Phil, Dan had to get up and open the door.

“I’m sorry, Phil, but my parents are dragging me to the beach today.” He took his laptop off his lap and placed it on the bed before him, getting ready to get up as soon as they would end the call.

“Don’t worry, I’m meeting family later as well. Have fun, Danny!” Phil waved goodbye one last time, before leaning forward and ending the call with the last thing Dan saw being the inside of his hand pressed against the camera.

 

Before going to the beach, his family had decided to visit some natural park first, which already seemed like a nightmare to Dan before they had even arrived. But when they stepped out of the car that dropped them off at the Trou de la Bombe, Dan realised it was going to be more than that. It was going to be like hell. He didn’t complain though, not wanting to ruin his parents’ time, and set ahead over the trail. The trail went through thick woods of pine trees and the ground itself was covered in pieces of rock sticking out of the ground. Not just once did he trip over one and would have fallen if it hadn’t been for Charles walking in front of him. Nevertheless, the path was long and – for someone who had spent their entire school career avoiding participating in PE – exhausting. Soon enough he felt himself get sick of the never-ending green in front of him and the scenery that never seemed to change. He kept trudging along, hoping that around the next bend they would see the parking lot again, but as usual he always ended up disappointed. Eventually, sooner rather than later, he found his thoughts wandering off towards AmazingPhil or how he had gotten to know him the past few months, Phil Lester. He kept playing their video chats through his head, him being taken aback and nervous, while Phil seemed completely at ease, talking about his day or video ideas and asking for his input. He smiled as he remembered one time when they had been video chatting while watching Anime together. They both had been quiet while being focussed on the episode, but Dan hadn’t been able to help himself as he snuck a few glances at his pc screen to see Phil’s profile as he was watching. He even dared to hope that Phil had been watching him too a few times as Dan had felt his eyes on him every so often, but he had never dared to check. It was nice to have a friend who liked the same things for a change. Usually he had been the annoying weirdo who liked Muse and My Chemical Romance and the giant nerd who watched anime, but now he wasn’t alone anymore. They could chat about Buffy or the latest Muse album without being scared the other person would get bored and Dan loved it.

 

_It was a normal day for Dan Howell as he was sitting in class without learning a thing. In his defence, he usually did try to pay attention so he would have to study less at home, but today he was distracted by other things. It wasn’t his fault that his favourite Youtuber had uploaded his newest video just yesterday. As he was trying his best to hide his phone under his desk without drawing too much attention to himself – luckily he was sat on the last row – he went on Twitter and scrolled through his dash to see if AmazingPhil had tweeted anything recently. And he was lucky he did, because as soon as he refreshed the page, a new tweet appeared._

_ Phil Lester   January 29   10:49 am _

_Was just in the store when Starlight started to play_ _L_ _Wish I had someone to hold in my arms_

_Of course, Dan took his chance to be one of the first to respond._

_ Dan Howell in reply to Phil Lester January 29 10:50 am _

_@AmazingPhil I love Muse. Black Holes and Revelations is by far the best album yet, along with Origin of Symmetry._

_The last thing Dan had expected to happen was that he would get a reply. It wasn’t the first time his tweet had gotten lost in the void that is Twitter, but when, after having looked up again at the blackboard for a few seconds so it seemed like he was paying attention to the class, he got a new notification, he shot up from leaning against the desk behind him so fast that he almost fell off his chair. Of course, that had gotten his teacher’s attention. He looked around the class to see everyone snicker at him as he had to give up his phone for the rest of the day, but not before he had seen what had happened on his Twitter._

_Notification; 1 new follower; @AmazingPhil_

_ Phil Lester in reply to Dan Howell January 29 3s ago _

_@Danisnotonfire Really? That’s so cool! And you’re totally right_ _J_ _What’s your favourite song?_

_Later that day when he got home – with the phone he had gotten back; thank the Lord – he immediately went up to his room to reply. Now the problem was, what? He didn’t want to look too eager or pathetic and he sure as hell didn’t want to come over like a peasant, but since it had been almost seven hours since he had gotten the reply, he guessed it was okay. After retyping and deleting the tweet a few time, he finally got to a reply that seemed cool enough to Dan._

_ Dan Howell in reply to Phil Lester January 29 18: 37 _

_@AmazingPhil I guess Time is Running Out, but it changes every week_

_Just as before, he almost immediately got a response, which surprised Dan slightly. Who would be so eager to answer him of all people?_

 

_ Phil Lester in reply to Dan Howell January 29 18:39 _

_@Danisnotonfire Oh I love that one! I really like Feeling Good_

_Their relationship had continued from there, tweeting quickly going over to private messaging as Dan wished Phil a happy birthday the next day._

Dan was pulled out of his thoughts as he bumped into his little brother, who had stopped because they had reached the height of the trip; in the middle of, what Dan could only describe as, a huge, rock wall, was a hole. It didn’t make much sense to him why people would walk all this way just to see a circle, but even he had to admit that the view over the hills was quite pretty. Phil would have thought it was awesome though. He’d probably come up with some strange theory about how it was the result of an epic battle between the people that used to live here and aliens. His family stayed for a few minutes both to rest and to look around a little, before they decided to go back. On the way, Dan tried to keep his mind off of Phil and instead ended up playing small games like the one word game or guess the song with Charlie.

 

Dan hated the beach. Sure it could be nice to lie in the sun for a change and go swimming and the scenery really was beautiful, but there were too many people around. He would have been totally fine with staying at the pool of the Hotel, where he would have been able to lie on a sun chair without people constantly walking by and throwing sand over him, where he wouldn’t be bothered by the screams of children all around him and where there was WiFi. But of course, Charlie had insisted on going to the sandy hell that was the public beach. Not only that, but he had been forced in making an agreement to hand over his phone on at least five days of their fourteen day holiday. So now he was lying on a thin beach towel in a t shirt and swimming shorts on a patch of sand that he had tried so hard to get as flat as possible, but was still poking him in the back. He had been determined not to get a sunstroke again – that had been a total disaster – so this time he made sure to use enough sunscreen to protect him for a lifetime, which only resulted in him feeling sticky as heck. His family seemed to be having a good time though, so he sucked it up and closed his eyes, trying to make the day go faster by taking a nap. Precaution for sunstroke number two; setting an alarm so he wouldn’t be asleep longer than half an hour. As soon as Dan closed his eyes, he felt exhaustion wash over him – no doubt because he had been texting Phil all night combined with the backlash of the hiking trip – and he fell asleep fairly quickly.

 

_He was standing next to Phil, overlooking a city Dan couldn’t quite recognise. They were randomly chatting about one thing or another and Dan felt himself constantly fighting the urge to smile as he stared into Phil’s sparkling blue eyes. He should’ve been looking around him or at least wondering why they were standing so high off the ground, but instead he was completely focussed on Phil. He was completely aware of how close he was and of how appealing it was to take Phil’s hand in his. Phil was wearing a plaid green shirt, which somehow complimented his eyes perfectly and made his black hair shimmer like the feathers of a raven at the same time. What Dan was wearing himself, he didn’t know and he didn’t bother looking down to find out either, seeing as all that somehow seemed to matter was Phil. Eventually he reached out and grabbed Phil’s hand, stroking the soft skin of the back of his palm with his thumb. Phil looked at him with a surprised expression and Dan could feel his own heartbeat starting to rise to what he was sure was an unhealthy and unnatural pace. Ignoring all the voices screaming in panic inside his head, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Phil’s. He had just registered how soft they were and how amazing it felt, when he realised Phil had stiffened against him in shock. Eventually Phil seemed to --_

The alarm clock of his phone jolted him awake, making him look around him in confusion and shock as he took in the blue sky and the waves of the ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! What did you think of the tweets though? Were they in character? Please let me know by leaving a comment. *2009 handheart*


	3. You left me with five hours and nothing to do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter, but I promise I'll make up for it in the next chapter. Once again I'm very grateful for my wonderful beta reader, Violet!

The DIY store he worked at was empty as usual with only a few people shuffling along the aisles, which basically meant Dan had to sit at the register and wait until every now and then he’d have to check out a roll of tape or perhaps some nails and a hammer. He had always welcomed the calmness in which he was allowed to read something or even text, but recently all he wanted was distraction. Since coming back from holiday with his parents in the middle of August, he had somehow found ways to keep his thoughts occupied with questions about the future, TV shows he was watching, doing chores or work. Not that any of it actually mattered to what he was doing most of the time, but he needed something to think of other than Phil Lester. At first it had been harmless, just thinking about things he had said in his video’s that had made him laugh, later it were his text messages and wondering if he’d already replied or not, but now… why really? Lately all he could think about was Phil even if it didn’t make sense for him to think about him at all. Like when he was listening to music and a sudden song would randomly remind him of that one time Phil had said something about his favourite cereal or when he was taking a shower and for some reason he’d end up wondering what his shampoo would smell like. Or every night when he was lying in bed and he was imagining how meeting him in person would be like, which would end up in him having that dream again - .   
He wasn’t going to think about that. Ever since that weird dream he’d had on the beach, he had pulled back from thinking about Phil. That was the dream that had started it all. He didn’t know why he had dreamt it, but he was pretty sure you weren’t supposed to dream about kissing your friend. He knew that – obviously – so why did he keep thinking about it? Why did he keep wondering what would have happened had he not woken up? Would Phil have kissed him back? Would it have turned into a nightmare as Phil pulled away and broke off all contact? Worse was that even though he had dreamt the same dream now a few times since, it still always ended before it could finish. It didn’t seem right to think about that, even though in the dream it had felt so good. Of course, he tried to forget about it and force it back into the depths of his subconscious, which was only slightly difficult as he kept video chatting with Phil as much as before.   
So clearly, being in an empty hardware store with nothing but your own thoughts as a distraction really wasn’t the best thing for Dan right now. He looked up as a twenty-something year old guy walked up towards the register Dan was standing at and – with as little talking and human interaction as possible – Dan checked out his buckets of paint and the few brushes he had taken from the shelves. As he watched the guy walk towards the exit, Dan couldn’t help but wonder if he thought he was attractive. The fact is, the guy was quite handsome, but he couldn’t figure out if it was just because he knew he himself could never look like that or because he really did think he was cute.  
“Yo Howell, I’m talking to you.” Dan jumped up from staring at the empty space where the guy had been standing a few seconds ago to look back at his manager that was standing behind him. As usual he was wearing brown slacks and a dress shirt with his name badge pinned on his chest. A Van Dyke beard circled around his mouth, matching his grey hair, and a store lanyard hung around his neck with his keys on it.  
“Y-yeah sir, I’m sorry. What were you saying?”  
“I need you to fill up the shelves at the back of aisle five. Jennett just went home sick.”   
“Okay, sir.” Dan quickly got up, trying not to be awkward and seem like a responsible employee, as he made his way towards aisle five to see what he would have to get out of the stockroom. The ropes could use a refill and it wouldn’t hurt to bring a few extra boxes of nails out as well. With a Muse song in his head and trying to forget his thoughts from earlier, he made his way to the back of the store to get the supplies.   
The stockroom was the size of a decent garden, but the manager’s habit of buying enough stock to last for twenty years, made it still difficult to manoeuvre through the racks. He almost tripped over a box with a drill in it and bumped into a pitchfork that stuck out of one of the shelves, but eventually he managed to find the box he needed. On the shelve in front of him stood a carton full of combi boxes of all different kind of nails – those black kits with the yellow handle and the see-through lid - and besides that was a huge package full of rope. Now the question was, would he be able to carry all of it at once? He grabbed the packages and tried to balance them on top of each other. It seemed to fit fine, but downside was that he couldn’t see anything besides the word NAILS that was written on the side of the carton. Eventually, laziness won from common sense and he decided he knew the shop well enough to manoeuvre his way through. WRONG. He had barely made it outside the aisle when he bumped into the pitchfork from earlier and the topmost box went flying. It slid over the floor, nails spilling all over the place.  
“Shit.” Dan cursed, as he managed to put the other box down on the floor and take in the damage, trying not to panic. The carton that had been on top had ripped, which had caused the boxes inside to hit the floor hard and open. The plastic packages didn’t seem too damaged, but most of their content had spread out over the floor. Idiot. Stupid, lazy, idiot. Dan scolded himself as he fell down on his knees and started collecting the nails. Unfortunately the kits had contained multiple kinds of nails, which meant Dan didn’t only need to worry about splitting the nails equally between the two, but also had to manage to figure out which nail belonged in which compartment. He tried to calm himself down so he could think clearly. His manager would probably have gone back to his office after having checked up on everyone, which meant he had some time before he would get busted, but that didn’t mean Dan’s heart wasn’t racing with adrenaline. He sat down to make himself more comfortable as he started to put the nails he had already collected in the compartments, hoping they were either the right ones or that nobody would notice they were in the wrong place. Worst thing of all was that picking up nails and screws off the floor didn’t really need much concentration, which meant plenty of brain capacity left to think about Phil Lester.   
It took longer than Dan had hoped, but after forty-five minutes every nail had been cleared from the ground and both kits were closed. Both of them had a few scratches in the plastic, which had caused the boxes to open in the first place, but Dan didn’t expect men who bought nails would mind. As he put both kits back in the box with the other ones, he wished he could punch himself in the face. Too late he realised he could have used one of the untouched kits as a model to fit in the nails in the right place. Never mind that now, he thought as he picked up the box and brought it out into the store to stack them in the racks. This time only taking one instead of both of them, returning for the ropes once he was done with the nails and screws.   
After having spent the rest of his workday behind the register, barely touching anything important so not to screw up again and playing a game on his phone to avoid thinking about his best friend, he was utterly exhausted as he fell down on his bed. One good thing about today was that he had gotten his paycheck, which of course meant his trouble today had been worth it. Staring at his phone that lay on his bedside table, his mind drifted off towards Phil. He had plans with friends tonight, so they couldn’t chat. It was normal that Dan missed him, right? It had only been a few hours since they had last contacted each other, but it was normal to miss a friend. Totally normal… Yet missing him brought him to the same question as he had asked a million times; how would it be like to meet him in real life? Missing him made him want to hug Phil, be near him and experience his actually touch.   
“Dan, have you eaten?” His mother called from downstairs, shaking him out of his thoughts.  
“No!” He yelled back, “And I’m hungry!”  
He frowned and jumped up from his back, suddenly not feeling tired anymore. He was done feeling sorry for himself and wondering what it would be like. He grabbed his laptop from his desk and opened it, the screen immediately opening onto Phil’s twitter page after he had logged in. To his surprise he realised he had missed one of his tweets, which usually never happened.

Phil Lester August 15 18:31 

Manchester’s such a big city, can’t believe I still got lost after living here my entire life. XD

Seeing his tweet made his mind up, filling him with determination to do the most impulsive thing he has ever done and probably one that will blow up in his face. But why not do it? He was taking a gap year, so he had plenty of time, and he had enough money to do it. But what next though? What would happen if he did do it? He pushed those thoughts away; he had worried enough for today. He went to the site he needed and bought a ticket. No second guessing, no worrying and no fear.


	4. The first time we met

His train rode into Manchester Piccadilly around noon, filling Dan with anticipation, nerves and excitement. A few months ago he had been super worried after he had bought the tickets, wondering if maybe Phil didn’t even want him around and he just had been some kind of charity case. Maybe it hadn’t been the best idea to buy the tickets without consulting Phil first and making sure the date was all right. He also had to keep reminding himself that he was eighteen now – a legal adult – and didn’t need to worry about his parents’ permission. Of course he still had to make sure it was fine with them, but seeing as he was more than mature enough, it didn’t took any work to convince them.

The sky was a light shade of grey – it was the UK after all, but that didn’t bother Dan in the slightest as the train stopped at the right platform, where, Dan realised suddenly, Phil was waiting for him. He had barely slept last night, worrying too much about how Dan would embarrass himself, which he was sure that he’d do, and too afraid of having that dream again. He didn’t want to have the image edged too sharply in his mind or too fresh in his memory while meeting Phil, not wanting his mind to wander off towards anything more than friendship. He got off the train, heart pounding in his chest as he looked around the platform.

“Dan!” He heard someone yell excitedly and before he knew it someone was throwing their arms around him. With a sigh of relief, he felt a smile crawl onto his face as he returned the hug and breathed in the smell of coffee, flowers and… something else… liquorice? It was strange to think that he was actually hugging his idol – nine months ago he would have called himself crazy – yet here he was, doing exactly that, but what surprised him even more is that he didn’t care. Or at least not as much as he thought he would. He was happy – certainly – but not in the way he had expected. His heart rate didn’t go up – it seemed to him like it was even going down – and instead of thoughts racing through his head, his mind actually seemed to calm down. He didn’t feel excited as much as he felt comfortable and that on it’s own was strange to Dan. He liked hugging, sure, he doesn’t hug his parents as much as he used to, but he still liked it, yet he had never felt this comfortable around other people – let alone people he had never met in real life – before. 

“Hi, Phil.” He muffled into his shoulder as he started to blush slightly. Dan noticed Phil appeared to be about an inch taller than him, which was unusual, seeing as Dan was freakishly tall already.

“How was your trip?” Phil asked politely but with genuine enthusiasm and pulled away, leaving Dan feeling cold and almost empty. This gave Dan the opportunity to really take in Phil. He was wearing a plaid shirt much like his own, though his was a different shade of green and it was a more simple kind of plaid. His fringe was as perfect as ever and seeing him without being able to count how many pixels made out his blue eyes just felt perfect all together.

“Fine, except for this one guy staring at me the whole time with this twitch in his left eye.” Phil laughed at Dan’s answer and hugged him again, this time more fleetingly. Dan chuckled as he picked up his bag and they started heading out the station.  With a comfortable silence falling between them, Dan started looking around the station again. People of all shapes, sizes and nationalities were greeting people; most of them not even half as excited as Dan and Phil seemed to be.

“You want to stop at Starbucks?” Phil pointed at a sign hanging above one of the shops near the exit, reminding Dan that it was already 1 pm and he hadn’t eaten any lunch yet.

“Yes please.” They made their way over to the coffee shop and crossed the room to the register. “What are you going to get?”

“I already had a coffee this morning, so I think I’m just going to get a sandwich. Do you want to take a picture while we wait? Our subscribers will love that.” Of course by our subscribers Phil meant his, seeing as Dan only had a few subscribers this far. He had finally caved and made an introduction video a few days ago and to his surprise, he already had a couple people who liked his videos. Most of those were probably people who were fans of Phil, but had noticed Dan being mentioned on his twitter account, but Dan didn’t mind that much. It was nice to have an ‘our’-anything with Phil.

“Sure.” They took a quick selfie, before going to sit at one of the boots with their food. Dan had placed his bag on the seat next to him and was sipping his caramel macchiato contently, staring at Phil and taking in his features with a fond smile. 

“Rawr!” Phil, who had been looking back at him for a while, roared at him, while putting up his hands like claws. Dan burst out into giggles, feeling his cheeks burn even though he knew he didn’t blush. His cheeks never turned red for some reason, he always just started smiling instead.  Anyway, he found the way Phil obviously seemed a little nervous around him endearing. He hadn’t expected him to be nervous in any way around Dan, seeing as Dan was the awkward one who was actually freaking out just by the thought of meeting Phil, and he didn’t want to think about why he would be. He didn’t quite know how to continue the conversation from there though, so instead he decided to just start talking again about something trivial, just like during the skype calls. 

“So how has life been without your parents? Getting up to any wild parties?” 

Phil smiled and shook his head, “Yes, definitely. Yesterday I ate cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

Dan laughed in reply, “I thought you were joking, when you said you could live off of it!”

Phil gave Dan a sheepish shrug and their casual banter continued for a little while until they decided to go to Phil’s to drop off Dan’s luggage. After having explored “the hotel of the shining”, and Dan having pointed out all the creepy things Phil hadn’t thought twice about before, then having to admit were actually quite terrifying, they headed back into town to go sightseeing. Phil parked his parents’ car near the city centre and they got out to go for a walk through the busy streets. It was too early for Christmas yet – something Phil had already voiced his dismay about – but the popular and smaller stores were dressed with pumpkins, skeletons and sheets in the form of ghosts or cobwebs. Dan immediately got “This is Halloween” from Panic! At the disco stuck in his head.

After having been given a small tour by Phil the amazing tour guide, Phil, who had been walking a few steps in front of Dan, turned around to face him and walked backwards a few steps. “Do you want to go to the sky bar?”

“Sure,” Dan replied, feeling completely at ease with Phil in a way that would make other people think they had been friends since childhood.  Phil grabbed Dan’s hand excitedly as he turned back around and started making their way towards the Hilton hotel. As soon as Phil’s skin touched his, Dan could feel his heart racing. His gaze fell down to their intertwined fingers in amazement and then moved up to try and catch a glimpse of Phil’s face. Dan guessed that Phil was just as affected by their intimate contact, seeing as he couldn’t get a clear view of his facial features as if Phil was hiding them on purpose. After they had walked a few feet like this – Phil in the lead, pulling Dan behind him – Phil turned around and took a step back so he was walking next to Dan. Their hands were still laced together however and Phil leaned closer to start clawing at his cheek with his free hand, making those dinosaur noises again. Once again Dan couldn’t resist the fond grin creeping up his face and he pushed Phil away slightly as he started laughing. Phil put up a sarcastic pout, but he too couldn’t hide the slight curl of his lips. Dan stepped closer to his friend and for some reason leaned his head on his shoulder. Even though he couldn’t believe he was doing it and all his resolutions to not think of Phil in any way that wasn’t platonic were thrown out of the window, it felt natural and Dan didn’t regret it at all. They kept walking like this, staying close together as if it was the most normal and familiar thing there was, and Dan cherished every minute of it. He could feel his heart racing in his ear and the soft skin of Phil’s inner wrist press against his, he could take in Phil’s sent of flowers and … he still wasn’t sure what the other sent was, but without the coffee sent of this morning it was a lot stronger and sweeter. It could be his imagination, but it was almost like he could even make out Phil’s heartbeat through the proximity of their pulses, their heart beating as one. When they – too soon to Dan’s liking – reached the Hilton hotel, it was like they were awoken from a dream and they entangled themselves from one another like nothing special had just happened. A lady with blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail and a pointy but delicate face lead their way to the bar and gave them a table close to the window. Their conversation was as usual simple and sweet and they could have silent moments in which they both ate their meals and could feel perfectly comfortable just sitting in silence, stealing occasional glances at one another. As Dan ate his chicken, he couldn’t stop thinking about the moment in which they had been perfectly sync, walking down the street of Manchester. He wished every time he looked up at Phil that he could touch his lips against his and wondered if maybe Phil thought about that as well sometimes. 

When 8 pm came around, they found themselves once again in the streets of Manchester. As the sun had started to set, the temperature started to drop as well and Dan pulled his jacket tighter around him.

“Where to now,” he asked, looking at Phil for ideas. Because it was a Monday, the city had quieted down, most people retreating to their homes after their day of hard work. Dan and Phil however, had spent their day enjoying each other’s company and didn’t feel like cutting that short just yet. 

“We can go for a walk if you want to? Explore some more of the city? It’s quite beautiful at night.” So they went on their way through the dark streets, both with their hands in their pockets and elbows touching ever so slightly. 

“So what was your favourite place this far,” Phil asked, eyeing Dan curiously. 

“I don’t know, Phil, I liked the replica they built of the Shining hotel.” 

“Hey!” Phil replied laughingly, pushing Dan, who was laughing mirthfully, slightly with his elbow, making him stumble a few steps. 

“No, I think I really liked the Piccadilly gardens though,” Dan answered his question, this time truthfully. He had liked the calming fountains and the green grass in the middle of the grey city. It sort of represented Phil in a way; like a bright patch of colour in the middle of a crowd. But to Phil himself he only added, “peaceful.” It had been too cold to sit outside on the grass and there hadn’t been any sunlight to enjoy, but Dan could easily imagine spending his summer days lying there with Phil. And this thought scared him. He tried to not think of things like that, because who knows what would happen in the next few months. After the first high of their friendship wore off, they might loose contact and never speak again. They live kilometres apart, so perhaps planning to meet up would never work out or perhaps Phil just didn’t like him that much. Imagining something a few months in an uncertain future was one thing, but what really scared him was how much he wanted it. How he desired to spend his days lazily hanging out with Phil, making stupid jokes and laughing until their cheeks hurt, how he urged to lay close to Phil and finally be able to figure out what that sent was that he couldn’t seem to place. How he would jump at the chance to find someone who would like him for who he was, just like Phil did. Dan realised he had been quiet for a while and Phil apparently didn’t mind as Dan noticed him look at him with a curious expression, before quickly looking away. Dan figured Phil was trying to guess what he was thinking and he didn’t know if he never wanted Phil to know what kind of thoughts he had about them or if he wanted to share it and maybe – just maybe – they could make his daydream come true.  

“What about you, mister expert, what do you think is the most beautiful part of your city?” Dan nudged him slightly with his arm, either to shake him awake from his own thoughts or because he craved the small, yet intimate, contact. 

“Oh I don’t know. I kind of love all of it, but I guess that’s just because I was raised here. I think my favourite place is the meadow near my house though.”

“Well that’s also biased, Phil.” Dan remarked jokingly.

“It is not!” Phil defended himself with an indignant smile.

“Give me two reasons then why to think it’s so amazing without it having anything to do with your feelings or childhood memories.”

“One…” Phil started, a smile tugging at his lip and looking up at the sky as he tried to think of something, “ It is great for children to play…”

“That-“ Dan started to interrupt, but he was cut short by Phil holding up a defensive finger. 

“That is an objective reason!” 

“Fine…” Dan agreed begrudgingly.  “Second?”

“It is peaceful and has a beautiful environment.” Phil finished with a proud smile.

“Okay, you get that one.” Dan rolled his eyes fondly, but the Manchester eye towering above them as they rounded a corner soon distracted him.  They made the decision to make that their next activity and a few minutes later they had bought tickets and were just about to climb into one of the compartments. Dan had been on the London eye with his parents, so honestly the wheel of Manchester wasn’t that impressive. It was only less than half in size and the surrounding buildings were a less beautiful view than the river Thames and the London skyline behind it. But Dan didn’t mind. He slid into the small compartment – which contrary to the huge chambers of the London Eye was only a small cart with benches on either side – and Phil sat down next to him, so they could look out of the same window. What only now seemed to dawn on Dan was that he would be stuck in a small isolated space with Phil for a while, meaning it could turn out really awkward with each of them not saying a word for the entirety of the ride. In the beginning that seemed to be exactly what was going to happen. Both boys sat silently as they stared out of the window, lost in their own thoughts. To Dan’s surprise, they did have a pretty good view of the city once they reached the highest point and they could look over the buildings. Dan, who had been staring out of the window on his side for a while now and was getting bored of the same view, turned around to see the other side of town, when he came to sit eye to eye with Phil, who apparently had been staring at Dan. Their faces were only about an inch apart and Dan’s breath got stuck in his throat. His stomach made a small jump and he couldn’t help his eyes wandering from Phil’s down to Phil’s mouth as he swallowed. Again Phil’s sent overwhelmed him and he could imagine Phil’s skin of his soft cheeks against his own hand. He didn’t know what was going on around him or if they were close to the ground yet, all that seemed to matter was that Phil was looking at him with his big, sparkling, blue eyes. His lips ached to reach through the close distance between them and brush against Phil’s, so that’s exactly what he did. He leaned forward, taking the biggest leap of faith he would ever take, and he pressed his mouth against Phil’s. Just before their lips touched, Dan remembered his dream once more, feeling the familiarity, and his heart made an excited jump as he understood that he would finally be able to figure out what Phil’s reaction was going to be.


	5. I was the nervouest person ever

After having spent months skyping with Dan, Phil couldn’t have been more excited to find out that he was coming to visit him. Coincidentally, the week he had chosen to come was also the last week that his parents would be out of town, which Phil didn’t mind. They would have the house for themselves and be able to do whatever they wanted. Plus, otherwise he would have had to spend the entire week by himself and his parents’ home was too big to be left alone in. Okay, maybe his parents leaving town for an extra week wasn’t a complete coincidence, but no one needed to know that. He had been at the train station an hour in advance, too excited and nervous to keep waiting around in the empty house. Instead, he stood outside of the Starbucks, nervously shuffling his feet around and overthinking everything. Should he keep standing there or go out onto the platform already? Would he look too eager? Why is everyone looking strangely at him? Is anyone even looking at him? Anyway, after a while he heard a train roll into the station and he made his way towards the people stepping onto the platform. As soon as he saw the fringe he had grown to adore during the last year, he forgot everything about sounding too eager and just excitedly ran towards him, throwing his arms over Dan as he yelled his name. The younger boy stumbled underneath his weight in slight surprise, but he soon wrapped his arms around Phil’s back and Phil couldn’t be happier. Eventually he let go reluctantly and continued with polite conversation. He kept grawling and biting at him, which most people probably thought was weird, but Phil's nerves were hard to control. It had been some kind of autopilot feature; every time he was scared of having an awkward silence or didn’t know what to do or every time he was having thoughts he wasn’t supposed to have, he would claw at Dan. For example when they were walking down the road in Manchester city and in all excitement had slipped up and taken Dan’s hand. He hadn’t been sure if that was okay; if ‘guy friends’ did that, but Phil couldn’t help himself. He had had boyfriends before, one guy he had gone to prom with on the down low, using a balloon as his ‘beard’ and the other he had gone out with for a while in his first year of uni, and he had always loved holding hands with them, but he wasn’t sure if Dan wanted him to. Luckily for Phil though, he hadn’t pulled away, so he was able to stop blushing awkwardly and instead, probably even more weird, leaned in the claw at Dan’s face again. He honestly didn’t know what he was doing, but he couldn’t help it. At the very least it had made Dan laugh and he loved that. Phil had noticed from the beginning that Dan had been a little guarded, maybe keeping up a slight act of coolness, but whenever Phil managed to make him laugh, his entire face lit up and his inner dork shone through. He loved it and he loved that his clawing made him laugh like that instead of weird him out. What happened next though, was what really confused Phil; Dan leaned even closer and rested his head on his shoulder. For the first time his awkward behaviour had pulled someone closer instead of pushing them away. Which is why he could curse the Hilton Hotel for being such a short walk away. Once they were inside and sat down next to the huge window leading down into the city, Phil watched Dan closely. Dan was studying the menu, his eyes focussed on the paper that was leaning against the border of the table, which gave Phil a great opportunity to look over his brown fringe and hazel eyes that moved as he read the different options of the menu. He was wearing almost the same shirt as him, only a little more intensely plaid, and he left it open with a white shirt with skeletons on it, which had made Phil smile when he had first noticed it at the Starbucks.

Dan suddenly glanced up and met Phil’s eyes, making Phil blush slightly and immediately he let a frown fall over his features as he grawled at Dan again. This time, Dan gave him a look like ‘seriously’, but he wasn’t able to hide the smile that was obviously tugging at his lips. Phil decided to still let this count as a small victory. But when the waitress arrived, he had been too busy looking at Dan to actually check his own menu. He thought he had hidden that pretty well by just asking for the same thing as Dan though, which turned out to be chicken, so that was fine with Phil.

“Phil, look,” Dan said to Phil once the waitress had left, pointing at something right outside his point of view. Phil did just as Dan had asked, only to get told off by Dan for not being subtle enough. He was smiling awkwardly as he looked at his plate and told Phil to be more careful, obviously trying to avoid eyecontact with someone.

“Sorry,” Phil whispered in response, a grin tucking at the corner of his lip as well. This time, he carefully turned around, still being way too obvious, and he saw what Dan was talking about. The barman was working only a few metres away from them and seeing as there weren’t many people up at the bar yet, he probably couldn’t help hearing everything they were saying. Turning back towards Dan quickly, he moved his eyes around as a non-verbal way of saying this could be awkward. Dan chuckled in amusement at that, but let his rational mind speak.

“They’re will probably arrive more people in a while. Plus, we’re probably not the strangest couple he has seen around here.” Phil felt his cheeks flush slightly at Dan calling them a couple and Phil thought he could see Dan react to his use of the word as well. Dan quickly continued, “I mean, unless it’s his first day or something, but then I just hope he doesn’t try some cool trick just to epically fail and drench us all in alcoholic beverages.”

Phil chuckles at Dan’s joke, still a little flushed form Dan calling them a couple. He was right of course. They were a couple of guys sitting together at a table in a restaurant. Couple. As in couple of friends. Couple as in pair as in two. That’s all it was, right? Of course Phil wanted it to be more, but he had no idea how Dan felt about their bond.

 

After a lot of more casual banter, they made it to their next location; the Manchester Wheel. Phil had already ridden it a few times, either with family or friends, and honestly he wouldn’t have asked Dan to spend money on a ticket for it if it hadn’t been such a good excuse to be around him a little longer. They could keep walking forever, but anything to stretch their evening he would agree to. As he sat in the familiar cart, looking out over the familiar view, all he could look at was Dan. Phil swore that even in space he would be the most interesting thing to look at. Okay, maybe not space, because that’s just freakishly awesome, but Mars. Yes, on Mars he’d definitely still look at his younger friend. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn’t even noticed Dan looking back at him until he was leaning closer, which didn’t give Phil any time to think before Dan’s lips were crashing onto his own. After a second of confusion, Phil moved his lips in harmony with Dan’s. He could hardly believe that Dan had actually kissed him, yet here they were lips locked in sweet bliss. As Dan leaned forward, moving into the kiss, Phil’s hand moved up to cup Dan’s neck in his palm, feeling the tips of the brunette’s hair brush against his fingers. Dan’s lips felt so soft, he never wanted to let go, but eventually Dan pulled away. He looked at the black him with such insecure and doubtful eyes, that Phil had to smile and kiss him tenderly on the lips once more, this time kind and swift, before moving to wrap his arms around Dan and lay his head on his shoulder. They sat like this in silence for the rest of the ride and once they were walking on the street again, their hands were interlocked once more as they both pondered about the fact that they had kissed. Phil was painfully aware of how much he had grown accustomed to having Dan in his life, even though it was just for video chats, and how much he had already grown to care for the younger boy. The thought of having Dan leave the day after tomorrow just pained him even more. By the time they were sitting in his parents’ car and were driving back home, all he could think of was their kiss.

“Phil?” Dan’s voice sounded softly from besides him in the passenger seat. Phil looked at him for a second as indication that he was listening. He felt knots in his stomach of nervousness; just doing things was way more pleasurable than talking about it.

“Meow?”

Dan still couldn’t help but laugh at that, cheeks still flushed in nervousness. “Stop it,” he demanded half-heartedly, a smile still edged into his face. “Do you like me?” Dan’s face immediately turned serious at the question and as Phil risked looking at him for a second, he could see the fear in his eyes. Never had Dan looked more vulnerable than in this moment.

“Of course, silly,” he answered with a smile as they turned onto his driveway.

“That’s not what I meant though,” Dan’s insecure voice resonated again and Phil’s heart almost broke at the sound. He stopped the car and looked at Dan sitting next to him.

“I really like you,” he said as an answer and leaned in to kiss him. He could feel Dan smiling into the kiss and the thought of making Dan happy was enough to make butterflies erupt in his stomach. After moving back in his seat and staring in each other’s eyes with content smiles, they got out of the car and made their way towards the dark house. As they stepped into the hallway, Phil turned on the light and they made their way towards the kitchen, turning on the lights in every room they passed. Phil had grown up in this house, so even blind he would have been able to navigate the complicated collection of long hallways and small stairs, but Dan tripped a few times over his own feet. Once they made it into the cosy little living room that was connected to the kitchen through an open arch in the wall, Phil fell down onto the couch.

“So, what do you want to do for the rest of the night?”

“I don’t know. Play Mario Kart or something?” Dan answered as he plopped down next to Phil and leaned his head on Phil’s shoulder, moving closer as he shivered slightly. Even though the house was big, it was quite cold and it having been empty for the day had been no help. Phil moved his arm back and wrapped it around Dan, still barely believing he was holding the brunette from his screen in his arms. Even though they had been skyping for months and they had gotten to know each other better than anyone had ever known each other, laying there nuzzled so close together, their relationship seemed new and scarier than any he had ever had. However comfortable they might be around each other and no matter how much he loved holding Dan this close, he knew they only had two more days and no one knew what would happen after that.

“We only have two more days,” Dan sounded and Phil could hear his pout through his voice without having to look down at him on his shoulder. Apparently they were worrying about the same things, minds in sync.

“We will still meet up loads of times!” Phil immediately responded, trying to sound as eager as possible. He wanted for Dan to smile again. “We always have the skype calls and messaging.”

“Yeah?” Dan moved his head so he could look up at Phil with a hopeful smile perched on his lips.

“Definitely.” The other boy leaned forward to kiss Phil again and this time Phil could carefully take in the taste of Dan’s lips. It was a hopeful kiss, new and scary and exciting, but also more comfortable than the first time. Laying on Phil’s parents’ couch, their legs were intertwined as Dan leaned against Phil’s shoulder, head tilted just enough so their lips could touch. Even though they were unsure about the future of their relationship, they were pretty sure about their feelings for one another. They had both known it before Dan had even set foot on the platform at Manchester Piccadilly train station; their relationship had grown to be more than platonic over their hours of conversation through social media. They say it takes 224 tweets for two people to fall in love, well they were pretty much halfway then.


	6. Awrf?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, 7 years of Phan, how about that? 
> 
> Happy Phanniversary everyone! So many anniversaries at once; Hello Internet, Dan and Phil's first IRL meeting (and their alleged first kiss, but shhhh) and the filming of PINOF 1, which was the 20th of October, which is today!
> 
> Speaking of which, I hope you like the new chapter, posted a day early. You'll see why.

Dan woke up the next day, his head laying on something soft and fluffy, sunshine beginning to light up the room and black hair only a few centimetres from his face. Propping himself up a little, he remembered sitting in the lounge with Phil the night before, playing video games and laughing until they both fell asleep on the soft carpet Phil’s mum had picked out. Phil was still asleep, laying on his back with his face tilted away from Dan, so he could just make out part of his profile. Once he remembered that he had indeed met Phil and the day before had actually happened and hadn’t been some strange dream, he laid his head back down and closed his tired eyes for a minute, a smile perched on his lips.

When he woke up the next time, it was from Phil’s arm brushing against his as Phil was waking up himself, propping himself up much like Dan had done before and rubbing a hand through his eyes. He turned his head around and when he saw Dan looking at him with his eyes open and a small smile on his lips, his face lit up.

“Good morning!”

“No! No ‘good morning’,” Dan called back, covering his eyes with his hands as he groaned tiredly, “I want to sleep for two more weeks.”

“Come on,” Phil smiled down at him, slightly nudging his shoulder, “we only have two days left, let’s make breakfast.” Phil stood up, moving a hand through his dishevelled hair, before extending a hand towards Dan to help him get up. Still groaning, Dan took his hand and allowed himself to be pulled up, being a little less cooperative than he could have been. Once he was standing on his own two feet, he sighed and leaned his weight on the slightly taller person, making him laugh fondly as he half-heartedly pushed Dan away. Dan didn’t let go though, so they crossed the short distance to the kitchen like this, Dan’s arms wrapped around Phil’s neck with his head resting on the older boy’s shoulder, face nuzzled in the crack of his neck, and Phil with his right arm wrapped around Dan for support.

“What do you want to eat,” Phil asked as Dan finally let go of him and plopped down on one of his kitchen chairs, resting his chin in the palm of his hand as he looked tiredly at Phil walking around the kitchen.

“Whatever is fine,” he brought out, suspecting that Phil probably wanted cereal himself.

“Okay.” Dan watched as Phil moved around the room, opening wooden cupboards and drawers and a smile started to form on his face. “We’ve got coco pops – Martyn loves them – cornflakes, shreddies and cheerio’s.”

 

 

An hour later, Dan and Phil had both showered and changed, Dan into his favourite black sweatshirt and Phil in yet another plaid shirt, and they were hanging out in Phil’s room. Laying on his bed, Dan stared at the posters on the ceiling, lips curling up in amusement. He could only imagine Phil trying to paste these, risking breaking his neck in the process. His choice of pictures was also endearing; he had a poster of Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky, pictures of himself with friends, other posters like Joyride that he had found somewhere, a poster of Stephen King – Phil had obviously told him all about his Stephen King obsession – some old art work and –

“Phil!” Dan called out in shock, leaning up on his elbows to look at Phil sitting on the floor next to his bed replying to messages on twitter. Phil looked up, humming questioningly with a curious expression after tearing his eyes away from his screen. “Is that a poster of The Ring?”

Phil frowned slightly as he looked around at the ceiling on the other side of the room and once he noticed the poster, a smile broke out on his face and he chuckled. “Oh yeah! I’m so used to them now, I almost forgot I put it there. What about it?”

“What about – It’s the creepiest film ever!” He stared at him with wide eyes, “How can you possibly sleep with _that_ hanging above your head?”

Phil burst out laughing with a slight blush on his cheeks, something Dan had noticed seemed to appear every time he did so, and he set away his laptop so he could stand up. “I don’t know, I just put it up there.”

Dan was still looking at Phil in disbelief as he sat down on his bed next to Dan’s legs and turned so he could lay himself down next to him. “Better,” he asked Dan, taking his left hand so their hands were resting in between their bodies. Narrowing his eyes at him, Dan moved to rest his head on Phil’s chest, before replying with, “Much.”

He could still barely believe it – he knew he had had the same thought many times before now – but it was still true. Somehow he doubted he’d ever be able to believe that someone as sweet, brilliant and – well – amazing as Phil would be laying next to him, allowing Dan to use him as a pillow. He could barely believe he wanted to be _friends_ with someone like him – god knows not many people had wanted to before – let alone be _more_ than friends. Well, as long as it lasts, the only thing Dan could do was take advantage of it, right?

Tilting his head to look up at Phil with a fond and mischievous smile, he crawled up so he could reach his face and place his lips on his. They lay there together for a while, holding each other close and lips constantly touching, Dan’s hand holding on to Phil’s shoulder and Phil’s hands fingering with his brown hair. Dan let go of Phil, still massaging his lips, and climbed on top of him in favour of deepening the kiss. Parting his lips to allow Phil’s tongue to enter his mouth and slide past his lips. As they eventually broke away to breathe, he looked down at him, carefully taking in his flushed cheeks and clear blue eyes as he looked back at Dan. Reaching up to peck Dan’s lips one last time, he sat up, carefully pushing Dan off him, and turned back towards his camera.

“Maybe we should start filming that Q and A video we had planned?” Though sad the spell was broken, Dan felt like he was still half dreaming and could only hum in agreement as he looked at Phil. Sliding off from his bed and onto the floor, Phil smiled and exclaimed, “Great!”

Phil started setting up his camera equipment as Dan managed to get out of his daze and sit down on the floor. “Okay,” he started as he reached for his bag and grabbed a crumbled piece of paper out of the front pocket, “I wrote down a few questions and just to summarize for a bit; your fans are fucking weirdo’s.”

“Well, you are my fan aren’t you?”

Dan burst out laughing at Phil’s almost automatic reaction and the cute smile that crossed his features at his comeback. “Thanks, Phil.”

As they started filming the video, Dan was slightly nervous. He knew most of Phil’s subscribers that followed Phil on Twitter weren’t stupid and might have figured out their relationship is more than friendly, but Dan wasn’t sure why, but whenever Phil got close to him in a none-friendly matter, he felt his cheeks heat up and slightly pushed him away. When the camera wasn’t running, Dan didn’t want anything more than to be close to him, but on camera? He wasn’t sure what it was, but he was anxious about actually acknowledging their relationship.

Right now though, he was laying on the floor with Phil on top of him, laughing at Phil suddenly jumping him while they were saying goodbye. _He’ll cut this out, right?_ Throwing his arms around his neck, he pulled him closer with the biggest smile on his face and pressed Phil’s lips against his own. Phil’s hand trailed down to rest on his hip as they kissed one more time, before pushing himself off of him and he pulled him back up with a dorky giggle. Staring back at Phil with a disbelieving grin, looking for words, he finally settled on shaking his head. “You’re insufferable. Can we finish the video now?”

Turning back towards the camera with a sheepish grin, Phil started saying goodbye and finally they ended with hand hearts and finished off the video.

“Phil,” Dan asked while fiddling nervously with his socks, “you will edit out the – you know – kissing stuff, right?”

Frowning slightly in confusion, a smile still pulling at his lips like it usually did, he looked back at Dan, “Sure, if you want me to?”

“It’s just-,” Dan knew he didn’t have to, but now he just felt compelled to explain, “I just don’t want people to follow me just because I’m your- because I’m with you. I want them to _actually_ like my videos.” Looking up into Phil’s _striking_ blue eyes, he continued, “And I don’t want you or anyone else to think I just want to be around you for followers.”

Phil just smiled fondly at the sincerity and adorableness of Dan’s confession, “I’ll edit it out.”

 

After having spent a couple hours roaming the house and filming some sketches for one of Dan’s video’s, they decided to actually go outside as Phil wanted to show Dan the meadow in person. He had shown him pictures and videos of it, but he really wanted him to actually ‘experience the greenness’. It wasn’t a long walk, but as they had left pretty late in the afternoon, the sun was already low in the sky and the air felt chilly through their jackets.

“So this is it!” Phil exclaimed, while spreading his arms and turning around him. “My childhood in one picture.”

“It’s just a patch of grass.” To Dan it was indeed nothing special, but he really just wanted to mess with Phil. He liked seeing him in the sunlight instead of in the room he had seen him in so often before. It made him more real, like a sign that read, “hey, look, you’re not just on webcam, but actually standing next to him.”

“Hey!” Phil replied with a pout, dropping his arms back next to his sides.

Chuckling, Dan sat down on the grass, spreading his legs out in front of him. “Well, I spend my teen years on the Internet, so what would I know, right?”

Sitting down as well, Phil asked, “Didn’t you go out with your friends? Hung out with the kids in your neighbourhood?”

Shrugging as he looked at his shoes, he replied, “I never had any friends that wanted to hang out with me outside of school and I mostly lived around old people.”

Phil looked with a small, sad frown at the eighteen year old, unknowingly avoiding Phil’s eyes, in front of him. “Well, now I’m your friend, Dan.”

Dan looked up, laughing at the sky at Phil’s words. “Thanks,” and despite the small drop of hurt and confusion at his words, it really did mean a lot to him. He decided right there and then that he would always try to be the best friend for Phil he could possibly be. He didn’t deserve someone as amazing as him in his life, so as long as it lasts, the only thing Dan could do was try to make Phil as happy as he would make him in return.

Dan always believed that you have to work before you deserve anything and this far he hadn’t done much of anything, which is why he felt like he didn’t deserve anything that was happening in his life at the moment. He had done sufficient amount of work to deserve graduating, but he couldn’t even bring himself to go to Uni, so why in the world would he deserve someone as Phil? All he could think of to explain this was that it was some kind of advance; he already got the reward, but now he had to do all he could to make him worthy of this precious person in front of him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the Phan fluff in honour of this week, which coincidentally was timed perfectly. Please review and lets pray there will be many more years for Dan and Phil to come. Honestly, I can barely believe they have come this far in seven years. Their friendship is truly iconic and they're absolutely wonderful people, who brighten lives wherever they go. Youtube, BBCR1, TABINOF, TATINOF, DAPGO and hopefully many more in the future.


	7. So much cherry everywhere

 

Dan sat on the countertop in his kitchen, staring out of the window with a bowl of cereal in his hands and his feet dangling a few inches off the ground. It wasn't morning, like his choice of meal would suggest, but rather late afternoon. He had gotten fired yesterday, so he had done nothing all day but sleep until twelve and play some Mario kart. Dan didn't look up as he heard the front door open and the sound of footsteps shuffling along the hallway, too lost in thought to be bothered. He knew who it was anyway; he might have no responsibilities, but his younger brother had been in school all day. Finally turning towards the door as Charlie entered the kitchen with a nod of his head and a greeting towards Dan as he threw his bag on one of the chairs standing by the table. Dan felt strangely jealous looking at his younger sibling, kind of wishing he was still in high school. He might not have been a huge fan of his studies, but at least he didn't need to sit at home and worry about his future. He missed the sense of purpose. It might not have been much, but just waking up every morning at the same time and knowing he would have to fight his way through nine hours of school seemed to feel more real to Dan now, more like he was doing something with his life. Phil, of course, had classes now, which made Dan feel even more horrible and useless. 

“How was school?” Dan asked ironically, more to start a conversation than actual interest.

“As usual,” he replied as he sunk down on one of the kitchen chairs and stared up at his older brother. Dan smiled at that, remembering the time when he had been thirteen and every day passed by in a blur of overcrowded hallways and checking the clock five times a minute. “Cecilia had a packet of gum with her though, so she gave a few of us a piece and we tried to hold out in class without getting caught with it as long as possible. The teacher didn’t even notice!”

Dan chuckled once, before his gaze drifted off towards the window again, behind which the sun was setting as the days were shortening. His eyes softening, he remembered sitting at the Hilton and watching the sun set over the grey city of Manchester, Phil sitting in front of him.

“When are you going to see Phil again?” Charlie asked as he got up from his chair and walked towards the fridge, pulling it open to grab some yoghurt. He must have noticed the dreamy look on his face, Dan realised with a small, invisible flush.

“In two weeks,” Dan answered as casually as possible, spooning some more cereal into his mouth to hide any irregularities in his expression at the thought. The rest of his visit to Phil’s in October had been spent mostly at Phil’s house, playing video games and goofing around. It had been amazing. They would stay up until three in the morning to play video games and cuddle. Kisses, there had also been lots of that, which had been the best part of it all. The next day though, Dan had taken the train back home though as their few days of ignorant bliss had been wiped away by responsibilities and the long distance between Manchester and Reading. While walking on the platform of the Manchester train station, Dan had looked around at all the people surrounding the trains once more and, he hadn’t realized it before, but now he noticed there were as many people saying goodbye to loved ones as people greeting them. Only than it seemed, when he himself was upset to leave Phil behind, he had understood that many different stories were unfolding on that very platform, and that he was lucky that he was going to see Phil again soon.

He saw Phil again at the Youtube Halloween gathering in London the very next week and the week after that they stayed at Phil’s again as they also needed to shoot some collab video’s with some of Phil’s friends. Dan remembered getting home after meeting with Stephen and falling down onto the couch not unlike the first day they had met. This time they started kissing, but the kissing quickly grew more passionate and desperate. Dan could easily recall wanting – no, needing – Phil to be closer to him, for their bodies to have as much contact with each other as possible and wanting Phil to touch him. He was just thinking about how they had moved up the stairs to Phil’s bedroom when the noise of the closing fridge startled him back to the present.

“Didn’t you just come back from Manchester a few days ago?”

“Yeah well, you see your little friends every day and you don’t get bored of them either, do you?” Dan replied, sounding a bit too defensive. Truth was, he already missed it, even though it had been less than seven days since he had visited him. The five-hour long skype calls just couldn’t replace the tingling feeling he got whenever he was close to Phil. Sure, he was still able to make him smile and his tummy hurt from butterflies, but that was just like getting a cupcake when you desired a birthday cake.   
Charlie shrugged as he opened the container of yoghurt and threw the plastic lid in the bin. “Do you know when mum or dad will be home?”

“No clue, but mom said something about you finishing your homework before I was allowed to give you dinner.” That wasn’t entirely true, but no matter how hard of a procrastinator he had been during high school, he didn’t want his little brother to end up having to struggle through his last few years of school, because it was getting too much to do everything the night before.

Charlie replied with a rude word that his grandmother wouldn’t have tolerated, before throwing the empty container in the bin and grabbing his bag from the chair he had disposed it on. “I’ll be in my room then.”

“Hurry up, we’re eating pizza.” And with that his little brother stalked off into the hallway and up the stairs, leaving Dan alone in the kitchen once more.

Sighing, he stood up from the counter, barely needing to stretch his long legs before his feet already hit the floor. After cleaning up his bowl and spoon and glancing at the clock on the wall next to the door, he went into the lounge and sprawled his long legs out on the couch. Pulling his laptop, that had been discarded on the coffee table, onto his lap. On many occasions had he wished that his parents had bought a more comfortable couch, where he didn’t need to prop his head awkwardly on the armrest to watch the screen of his laptop. Scrolling through twitter he smiled at the few reactions he got on his latest video ‘how to befriend your favourite internet stars’, which people seemed to have found pretty funny. The filming had been the most hilarious part, Dan recalled, trying to bind Phil as believable as possible while constantly being distracted by their proximity and the hilarity of the entire situation. As the clock at the bottom of his screen passed five, he grew a little restless and kept switching between his twitter tab and his skype account, waiting for Phil to be online. He hadn’t been able to tell him he had been fired yet, so he probably thought he was still at work by now. Dan thought over the option of texting him to ask how his classes had gone and start a conversation, but he didn’t think it would be fair to Phil. He was a respectable student at Uni, so the last thing he needed was a needy eighteen year old urging him to go home so he could see Phil’s face. On the other hand they were in a relationship, right? It was hard to think of it that way as they only saw each other every few weeks, but it felt that way when they _were_ together. At least to Dan it did. Before he could think about it more, the little circle next to Phil’s name switched from red to green and his laptop chimed as a chat window opened.

 

_ Mon Cherry ;) 17:26; _

_You’re already home!_

_How are you?_

 

Dan smiled involuntarily as he saw the nickname he had given Phil and flushed slightly at the memory. Phil definitely knew how to make firsts interesting. He should probably change it soon though as it was quite distracting.

 

_ You 17:27; _

__

_Yes, I’m fine now ;)_

Dan couldn’t help adding the ironic wink, knowing he sounded cheesy af, but it made him laugh slightly, imagining Phil rolling his eyes at his reply. It was so like Phil to start each conversation with the same, polite question, even though he knew Dan couldn’t have been run over by a car and still be online. Even though Dan had determination and loved the Internet, he figured typing would be hard when he was.

 

_ You 17:27; _

_How was Uni?_

A strange, unwanted, but familiar tingle went through his belly at the question. It wasn’t jealousy exactly – more like wanting to do, to _be_ better. Here he was, sitting at home and babysitting his kid brother, while Phil went out into the world and made something of his life. Sometimes he really wondered how Phil could look at him without thinking ‘what a failure’.

 

_ Mon Cherry ;) 17:28 ; _

_Boring as usual. I miss you_ _L_

Okay, he really needed to change that nickname. Biting back a laugh at the sight of the name, he sobered up quickly when he saw the actual message. He missed Phil too, but before he could reply, another message came in.

 

Mon Cherry ;) 17:28 ;

_Can we put the webcam on?_

The fact that Phil asked so sweetly found Dan really endearing and he glanced at the time, regret flashing through his eyes as he realised that Charlie would probably demand food soon.

 

_ You 17:30 ; _

_I only have a few minutes_ _L_ _I need to make dinner_

_ Mon Cherry ;) 17:31 : _

__

_Perfect! I can keep you company_ _J_ _I’ve been told I’m a great chef_

_ You 17:31 ; _

_That was me, you idiot_

Phil didn’t reply to that, but instead his laptop rang the familiar Skype tune as Dan got up from the couch and he pressed ‘accept’ as he walked into the kitchen. Dan blinked and started to smile as Phil’s face appeared on the screen, closer than expected due to Dan holding his laptop against his chest as he walked.

“Hey!” Phil greeted him again, waving stupidly at the camera that reminded Dan so much of his videos.

“Hi,” Dan replied as he awkwardly placed his laptop on one of the counters and rested his elbows in front of it, leaning down and balancing his head on top of them so he could look at his screen on eye level. “I miss you.” Dan added with a pout. Seeing him somehow made it worse as all he wanted to do now was touch him. Not even in _that_ way, but just hold his hand or rest his head on his shoulder, feeling his proximity through the body heat that radiated off of him in his old, cold house.

“I miss you too, Danny boy, I can’t wait to see you again.”

“You’re seeing me right now, Phillip.” Dan snorted, not able to keep the comment from slipping out of his mouth.

“You’re horrible.” Phil replied, but Dan saw him roll his eyes fondly.

“Yet, you still slept with me.” Dan retorted coyly, smirking slightly at the screen, laughing at Phil’s exasperated expression.

He straightened – pun intended - his back though as he heard footsteps on the stairs and pushed away from the counter, clearing his throat as he winked at Phil, before he turned towards the freezer and opened it.

“Hey Charlie!” Dan heard Phil greet his little brother politely as he entered the kitchen. He turned back around, two pizza boxes in hand, to see his brother lean on the counter, looking at his laptop screen.

“Hi,” he replied shyly, fiddling with his fingers. It had been a nervous habit ever since he had been seven and the fact that he had such a quite, nervous personality made Dan even more protective of him. To Dan’s horror, he saw him squint at the screen with a questioning expression, before turning towards Dan and asking in confusion, “Why is Phil’s nickname mon Cherry?”

Dan, who was standing in front of a counter between Phil and Charlie, glanced nervously at his laptop with flushed cheeks and his lips threatening to curl into a smile as he saw Phil looking equally shocked and surprised at the question.

Charlie, oblivious, just continued like nothing was going on, “I thought you took four years of French, shouldn’t it be with only one r and an I in the end? Also, isn’t that something a coupl-“

“No, I just really like cherry,” Phil chimed in as Dan was unable to do anything as he was almost choking on his laugh. He knew that Dan hadn’t come out yet – hell, he hadn’t even told his parents about him being on youtube – and understood that a little kid, whether he figured it out or not, was not the best person to trust with this kind of secret. Dan wasn’t exactly hiding it from his parents though, he just didn’t openly showed the true nature about their relationship to them, and he figured Charlie was too innocent to actually think farther than their relationship being more than friendly. “It’s a pun, you see. Dan’s just laughing at me.”

At this point Dan figured it was safe to openly burst out laughing without it seeming suspicious and he let his laugh roll out as he leaned onto the counter. Once the laughter had died out, he cut open the plastic foil of their frozen pizza and put them in the oven, avoiding looking at the screen of his laptop. Charlie, who had been looking at them weirdly, just shrugged and went into the lounge, telling Dan to let him know when the food was done. Dan heard him turn on the TV, before he turned back towards his laptop, a sheepish grin plastered over his face.

“Dan!” Phil chastised him, his face completely red and in shock, making Dan burst out in a new set of chuckles. “Cherry? Really?”

“I was planning to change it, but I forgot!” He defended himself, leaning close to the camera again, so they could talk in semi-whispers.

“You’re unbelievable.” Once more Dan’s laugh rang through the kitchen as their conversation continued.   
They were still Skyping as Dan called Charlie into the kitchen to eat their Pizza’s and they moved upstairs and into Dan’s room once his parents got home, keeping up their banter until late into the night and Phil eventually admitted he’d have to wake up early in the morning. They said goodbye for the night and Dan was about to close his laptop so he could go to sleep with Phil’s face still fresh in his mind, when he got one last message before Phil’s account went offline;

 

_ Mon Cherry ;) 1:30; _

__

_CHANGE MY NICKNAME_

Dan smiled fondly and did as he was asked. After he had dropped his laptop on the ground next to his bed – too lazy to place it on his desk – he switched off the lights in his room and lay down under his covers, smiling at the memory of Phil’s flustered face.


	8. Three-hour breakfasts, more of those please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, but I've spent the last two weeks in Manchester with a lot of time on my hands and a lot things to spike my imagination. I feel like my Dan and Phil are kind of OOC or inconsistent, so if anyone feels the same way, please let me know. I don't think I've written at all since I uploaded the last chapter nine (?) months ago, but again, as I'm in Manchester, it seemed like the perfect time to finish this chapter. 
> 
> Either way, I hope you like it!

Phil woke up in the familiarity of his own bed, darkness still all around him. He turned towards his bedside table, careful not to wake Dan, who must have crawled into bed with him after he had fallen asleep the day before. Squinting at the screen of his electric alarm clock, he managed to make out the coloured stripes that made out the numbers 3:13. He had honestly thought it had already been eight in the morning – the darkness not saying much in the start of December, but it wasn’t that surprising that he felt so awake even though it was still the middle of the night. After having spent the last three days with Dan, their schedule was so off that he figured they’d end up walking into town one day to realise it was 2 am.

Now he thought about it, he felt like going on a walk with Dan. Or maybe just watch a movie together or play a board game. Turning to his other side so he could stare at Dan’s face, which was peaceful in the dim light of his alarm clock, he smiled sadly. He didn’t want to interrupt his sleep, especially when he looked so calm and beautiful, but he also had to stop himself from shaking him awake and forcing Dan to spend time with him. It was weird; he missed him. The thought of having to wait until Dan would wake up – which could take several hours – before he could bant with him again made a small pout appear on his lower lip.

Besides, he was so close. He only had to reach out his fingertips to feel the familiar touch of his skin. To trace the soft and satisfying movement over his cheek, up to his brown hair that framed his forehead. So he did. Partially he hoped to wake up Dan, but mostly he just really craved that simple proximity.

Leaning closer, his hand still resting on his cheek, he softly kissed Dan’s lips. The moment he did so, Dan started to shift tiredly underneath him, moaning against Phil’s mouth in annoyance, but moved his lips along with Phil’s anyway. Dan’s hand found Phil’s hip and pulled him closer, so their torsos touched and their legs entwined themselves.

Phil smiled into the kiss, glad to have woken Dan up, and he could feel Dan smirking as well. At least he didn’t seem too bothered about his dreams being disrupted.

When Dan’s fingers trailed down to the waistband of his pyjama pants, it was Phil’s turn to smirk as he grabbed Dan’s wrist.

“No,” he said, leaning back out of the kiss after pecking Dan’s surprised lips one more time, “I’m hungry.”

“Are you kidding me?” Dan exclaimed in exasperation as Phil sat up, turned the light switch next to his bed and stood up onto his feet, a smile surrounding his lips. “So you wake me up at,” squinting his eyes at the sudden illumination and glancing at the clock, Dan continued, “THREE THIRTY in the morning for NOTHING. I’m going back to bed.”

Phil knew Dan too well by now to be fooled by his fake annoyance and grabbed the hand of the boy lying on his bed pretending to be back asleep. As he started pulling Dan’s body out from under his brightly coloured sheets, he could see the faint quiver of his lips as he clearly fought to keep a straight face. “Come on! Get. Out. Of. Bed.”

Phil had managed to get Dan onto the edge of his bed, when Dan finally opened his eyes and pulled back his arm, wobbling for balance as he nearly fell face-first onto Phil’s carpet. He made a noise as he rested his hands on the floor in front of him and lifted his head to look up at Phil, who could feel himself biting on his tongue as he laughed and failed in trying to hide it, something he did an awfully lot around Dan.

“Fine! But you’re going to make me pancakes though,” Dan huffed as he clumsily tried to stand up out of his compromised position.

Phil giggled and placed a kiss on Dan’s cheek, starting to lead him down to the kitchen. Dan sighed in faked exasperation, but couldn’t hide the small blush and content smile on his face, especially seeing as it was that same smile that made dimples appear in his cheeks. When they reached the dark kitchen, Phil flipped on the light switch and started looking around the cabinets. Dan walked towards the fridge and took out the milk and some eggs. Phil had already made sure they had enough ingredients to make as many pancakes as they could muster in four days time, before Dan had arrived – he knew what he needed to take care of his visiting boyfriend - and grinned as he saw Dan so at home.

Taking out a bowl, he started to mix the ingredients together. Dan had sat down on one of the chairs around the kitchen table and had placed his head in his hands, obviously more tired than he had shown at first. Phil cringed, feeling guilty, “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

Dan looked up at once, surprise turning into a fond smile almost at once. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’d never sleep again if it meant being able to see you more.”

Phil turned back to the bowl, hiding the smile that was involuntary digging into his cheeks. “I hope you weren’t dreaming anything good.”

Suddenly he felt Dan’s arms snake around his waist and his chin resting on his shoulder. Luckily Dan was still half an inch shorter than Phil. Phil smiled even fonder and started stroking Dan’s hands where they rested on Phil’s belly. Phil had been surprised to find out how affectionate and clingy Dan was, which was a nice change from his last boyfriend, where Phil always had to be the one to initiate physical contact. “Are you kidding? No dream is better than being with you,” Dan whispered close to his ear, making a shiver run down his spine. Phil couldn’t help himself anymore and turned around to face Dan and touch their foreheads together. He wrapped his arms around Dan’s neck, loving every bit of warmth from their contact.

He knew that Dan would be leaving again soon and that the feeling of starvation would consume him without this, so he was more than happy to reciprocate Dan’s intimacy and try to soak up as much from it as possible. Suddenly Phil felt flustered; he didn't want to think about Dan leaving and his thoughts were spinning uncomfortably. "Miaow."

Dan burst out laughing, their intimate position making Phil feel Dan's breath on his cheeks and the rumble of his laugh echoing in his own body. His mind immediately felt clear again.

"You're such a weirdo." Dan was smiling and pulled him closer, arms still tightly wrapped around Phil’s waist. Finally Phil leaned in and pecked Dan on the lips, feeling a little shy, even though they had done it so many times before. Dan grunted and immediately slammed his lips on Phil’s again and deepening the kiss, making Phil smile in satisfaction at how eager he was, Dan's lips chasing away every bit of doubt or insecurity that was clouding his mind.

After a few minutes they broke apart for air and at seeing Phil still smiling, Dan looked bashful and whispered at the floor: “Shut up.”

Phil tilted Dan’s head back and kissed the flush away, making Dan giggle. When Phil went back to kiss Dan on the lips though, it was he who pulled away from Phil, looking almost twice as shy, but trying to hide it with smugness, and walked back to the table. “I remember being promised pancakes.”

Phil giggled at that and returned to finishing the dough and baking the pancakes. Once the pancakes were done, they spent the entire meal drawing silly faces on the pancakes with syrup and whipped cream, giggling through full mouths and the occasional scream as they smeared toppings all over each other’s faces. After they had finished their meal, it was already passed five am; they had spent three hours messing around and enjoying their food, which must be the longest Phil had ever spent on a single-course meal. He had loved every second of it, but that was easy, because he loved every second with Dan. 

After they had quickly cleaned up the mess, Phil sighed as he sank onto the couch. Dan fell down next to him and immediately placed his head on Phil’s chest, wrapping his arms around him. Phil held onto him tightly and breathed in his scent. He wanted to ask if they should put on a movie or something, but when he looked down, he noticed Dan breathing heavily. He looked down at the younger boy asleep on him and pressed his lips against the crown of Dan’s head. The flutter that went through his chest at the sight of peaceful Dan gave him the weirdest feeling. It almost felt infinite. Like from this moment forward, this was the norm, this was how it was supposed to be for the rest of his life.

* * *

 

When they both woke up a few hours later, they decided to go on a walk in the city centre and, of course, stop by their favourite starbucks on the way out. It was a cozy starbucks right outside the city centre, which made it less crowded and more spacious than the ones crammed between the popular stores in the centre. The cafe was diamond shaped with a square in the back with a few more tables that were usually occupied by students who studied there and thus spent a little more time in the brewery than other customers.

They ordered their caramel macchiatos from the bar opposite the entrance and sat down on a table for two next to one of the windows. They liked sitting here, because besides the fact that it was almost like they had their own private little corner, it was also easy to reach as there was a bus stop practically right in front of the shop. They sat down and silently took a sip of their drinks. Phil felt content just sitting here with Dan, loving that they could just be in each other’s company without having to talk.

Of course, they ended up banting 95 percent of the time anyway, but it was never forced.

“I always miss this.”

“What,” Phil pipes up as he is pulled out of his thoughts.

“Being able to get coffee together. You know, normal date stuff…” Dan looked bashful as he hid his face by taking another gulp of his hot drink.

Phil’s heart filled with love as he looked at Dan, but frowned at the thought of Dan being sad or hurting. “Dan?”

Dan looked up at him at once, probably confused by Phil’s sudden serious tone.

“Do you want to go on a date with me on Saturday?”

A sad smile appeared on Dan’s face. “I’ll be back in Reading by then, you dingus.”

Phil’s determent expression didn’t falter though, “I know that, trust me, the thought of you leaving on Friday fills me with dread. But, that doesn’t mean we can’t go on a date on Saturday!”

“Yeah, but just sitting at home and video chatting isn’t the same as actually being together. Besides, we already do that every day anyway.”

“I know, but we can go get a coffee like we’re doing right now!” Dan frowned, asking for a better explanation without using words. “We can take our laptops to a nearby starbucks and use the free wifi to videochat!”

Dan didn’t really look convinced, but Phil noticed Dan’s lip quirking up at his own enthusiasm. “Come on, it will be fun!”

Dan sighed in fond exasperation and rolled his eyes, his dimples showing up ever so slightly. “Fine, but you’re buying,” he joked, making Phil let out giggles and feel a little less depressed as he thought about the upcoming saturday.

* * *

 

Dan grabbed onto his cup of coffee, both to warm his hands and to draw comfort from the gesture. He had managed to occupy the most secluded table in the far back of the cafe and prayed that no one would think it weird that he’d suddenly start talking to his computer screen. Suddenly he notices the green dot next to Phil’s name turn green and familiar jingle only rings through his headphones ones, before he picks up. As soon as Phil’s face shows up on his screen, his nerves fade away and are replaced by the biggest grin that is physically possible.

“Hey! What’s that,” Dan asked, indicating a dot of colour in the bottom corner of the screen.

“Oh, you weren’t supposed to see that yet,” Phil sighed and rolled his eyes at his own incompetence.  “I wanted to surprise you. You know, like a real date.”

Dan’s curiosity turns into a wide smile as Phil lifts a flower up in front of the screen. It was a single pink tulip. “You’re worth a complete bucket of course, but I thought it would look weird walking in here with a giant bucket that I am not even able to actually give you,” Phil pouted at that, “but I promise I’ll give you a full bucket once you get back!”


End file.
